I like what it means
by Sculla
Summary: Sequel to 'It means what'


_**Sequel to "It means what?" as requested.**_

Kaidan sighed tiredly as he ran a gloved hand through his dust covered hair. It was over. The war against the Reapers had finally ended, after years of trying to stop the synthetic monsters they had won the fight. Now all they had to do was start the undertaking of the massive clean-up; and looking over the destroyed part of London he was standing in he knew it was going to take a long time.

The Major could hear the cheers from various fire teams and species from his position and it brought a tired grin to his face. Kaidan shouldered his assault rifle and slowly picked his way back to the command centre; he had someone to meet.

As he scrambled over a particularly large piece of fallen balustrade he heard a metallic clink and looked down to see that the amulet John had given him had slipped out and was tapping gently against his armour as he moved. The recollection of Javik telling them the true meaning of the amulet brought a smile to Kaidan's face and an idea began to form in his head, with the war over it shouldn't be too hard to persuade John. _If he said yes,_ a pessimistic part of his mind said giving the biotic pause.

_No, don't be ridiculous Kaidan._ He thought to himself with a shake of his head. _Of course he'll say yes. _Kaidan looked up and saw the crumbled buildings and temporary fortifications of the command centre a block away. The shapes of Alliance personnel and alien alike were milling around the area and Kaidan thought he spotted familiar form of Wrex stomping around and waving his arms at a cowering Salarian. Kaidan chuckled and jumped off the balustrade to the ground with only a slight wince at the impact; his knees weren't as young as they used to be.

Wrex looked up as Kaidan approached and the Krogan sent him an inscrutable look. "Alenko." He greeted with a sharp nod. "You good?"

Kaidan gave the large Krogan a faint grin. "I'm okay, Wrex." He looked around the immediate area but couldn't see the Commander anywhere. "Have you seen Shepard?" he asked. Wrex stopped moving and shot a somewhat hesitant look at the other biotic, causing a cold feeling to run through Kaidan. "Wrex?" he asked shakily, hoping that whatever the Krogan was going to say wasn't what he thought it might be.

"Last I heard Shepard was on the Citadel." Wrex said in an almost apologetic voice.

Kaidan's head shot up to look at the sky where the image of the destroyed space station greeted him. An ice cold feeling of dread flew over him and Wrex's hand shooting out to steady him was the only thing to stop him from falling to the ground. "No…" he whispered.

"Kaidan!"

The call barely broke through the numbness he felt and he dazedly looked over to see Liara and Garrus jogging over to his position.

"Kaidan, are you hurt?" Liara asked as she came to a halt and gently reached out to touch Kaidan's shoulder.

He shook his head dully and looked back up at the sky, feeling tears beginning to prickle at the corners of his eyes. He looked away from the sight once more; no, he wouldn't believe it. "Have you seen…" he began before trailing off as his throat threatened to close up.

It seemed Liara knew who he was talking about because she bit her lip and shared a concerned look with the Turian. "I…the last I saw Shepard was when Hammer made the final charge to the Beam." Garrus answered, his double toned voice sounding grim.

"Hackett sent a radio transmission to the Commander during the battle; they couldn't get the Crucible to fire, Shepard said he'd fix it…" Liara added softly. "He was still on the Citadel when it fired."

"No…NO! He can't have been; he said he would be here!" Kaidan shouted in defiance before sinking to his knees in the rubble. "He promised…" he trailed off in a whisper.

"Kaidan…I'm sorry." Liara said softly as she knelt in the dirt beside him and pulled him toward her. "I'm so sorry."

Kaidan didn't reply and just clung to the Asari as sobs shook his body. _John had promised…_

Hands trailing sensuously down his chest and lower. Arching into the touch with a soft moan as lips meshed together. A gasp as he was breached and filled. _"I love you, Kaidan." _

Screams and gunfire in the distance. A warm hand brushing his cheek; a promise made. _"When this is over, I'm gonna be waiting for you. You'd better show up." _

"_Kaidan, I'm sorry."_ A promise broken. "_I'm so sorry."_

Kaidan woke with a gasp; he lay on the stretcher panting as the last dregs of the dream faded. It had been three days since the final battle and every time he closed his eyes he dreamt of Shepard; their last night together, the goodbye...the realisation he wasn't coming back.

He felt the tears fill his eyes for the hundredth time so squeezed them shut. No, no matter what anyone said Kaidan wouldn't believe John was truly gone until he saw a body. He pushed himself into a sitting position and winced as the stretcher creaked in protest at the weight shift. It was still dark which meant dawn was hours away. The makeshift shelter the team had patched together was in the remnants of the Tower of London. A fitting place, Kaidan thought morbidly; he felt like he was imprisoned by the thought of Shepard being gone.

He pushed to his feet and as silently as he could, dressed and slowly made his way out of the designated sleeping area. James and Steve had commandeered the western corner of the area; Kaidan could see from his position that the larger marine had draped his arm loosely over the smaller pilot in his sleep. The scene caused a pang in his chest, how was it fair that they had each other and he had no one? He felt his throat tighten once more and he turned away and quickly made his way out of the building into the dark of the night.

Kaidan was tempted to climb the battlements of the crumbling building but he knew the destruction of the surrounding city was more than likely to make him even more depressed so instead he began to walk down the rubble strewn streets with no destination in mind. The rest of the Normandy crew were walking on eggshells around him and no one dared mention John Sheppard in his presence; a fact that was pissing the usually composed biotic off.

Something drew his attention and Kaidan looked to the left to see a partial destroyed jewellery store. The windows were all smashed and several of the stands were on their sides. Without realising it he had moved inside and found himself standing before the broken glass counter holding the wedding rings. Kaidan unsteadily reached out a shaking hand and trailed his fingers over the cool metal bands. Tears filled his eyes once more and he looked away from the stand and fiercely wiped them away. Dammit! He had envisioned John being by his side as they picked out wedding rings, not this.

Kaidan glared at the accumulated rings as if it was the inanimate objects' fault. John would have hated them, Kaidan thought as he looked at the elaborately carved and jewelled creations; he would have picked something simple but strong. A pair of plain platinum wedding bands hidden in the corner of the showcase caught his eye. He gently reached out a hand and picked up the small box holding them. The moon's waning light illuminated a small inscription carved on the inside of the rings and he turned he box for a closer look. _Non-refundable; a deal's a deal. _The absurdity of the inscription made Kaidan choke out a laugh; it suited John perfectly.

The sudden influx of emotion caused Kaidan to clench his fingers around the small box tightly. It wasn't fair. His misery was cut short by the sound of blaring siren's filling the air; the wailing noises signalled incoming debris falling from the skies. The decaying orbit of pieces of destroyed ships and the Citadel were continuously falling and the sirens alerted those on the ground to watch out for the giant projectiles. Kaidan shifted over to the broken window and looked out; the latest missile looked to be part of the Citadel. He stared at the burning projectile numbly until he realised its trajectory was leading it right to his position.

He stood frozen for a few seconds, should he even try to move out of the way? What was the point of living if John wasn't by his side? The image of his mother standing alone in the family orchard formed in his mind and Kaidan swore roughly before jumping through the window and sprinting down the street as fast as he could to avoid being crushed. He was several blocks away when the roaring became so loud that he had to slap his hands over his ears. A quick look over his shoulder showed that the chunk would hit the earth shortly; Kaidan jumped over a low fortification that had yet to be taken down and crouched down into the smallest size possible.

The impact of the Citadel debris shook the immediate area like an earthquake. Surrounding buildings crumbled under the shockwave and dirt and debris flew through the air. Several seconds later and the streets were silent apart from the wailing sirens and the sound of bricks trickling to the ground. Kaidan coughed roughly as dust caught in his throat and he shakily pushed to his feet. Damn but that was close, thankfully the debris had missed the temporary housing the refugees had set up.

He eyed the wreckage warily but nevertheless took hesitant steps toward it; something was drawing him closer. Kaidan had to climb over several larger pieces of debris in the dark, earning several cuts and scrapes but he ignored the stinging and made his way to the centre. Once there he paused and looked around with a frown, why was he even there? It would be a miracle if anyone survived the impact from the debris so it wasn't as if he was looking for survivors. Kaidan let out a wry chuckle and shook his head slowly. He was about to make his way back to the Tower when he heard something. He stopped and tilted his head to listen and heard it again; it sounded like a groan.

Kaidan bit his lip, debating. It was highly unlikely that someone was there but…sighing he ran a hand through his hair and started climbing to where he had heard the noise. He yelped in surprise when his Omni-tool chirped, signalling an incoming call. He sagged in a mixture of relief and embarrassment, thankfully no one else was around to see him scream like a little girl. He looked at the glowing object on his arm in faint resignation; he knew who it was likely to be as he tapped the button to answer it. "Hello Liara."

"_Kaidan! Thank the Goddess. When the debris fell…" _The Asari trailed off before speaking once more. "_Are you okay? Where are you?"_

"I'm fine, Liara." Kaidan sighed. "I just wanted…I needed some time alone is all." He answered. He heard a brief struggle over the radio and the sound of Vega's voice came over.

"_Hey Blue, you know there's a curfew for a reason right?"_ James drawled jokingly.

Kaidan snorted at the nickname the marine had given him; it wasn't even creative. He was about to reply when he heard the groan again, this time it seemed much closer. He bit his lip as he looked around, logically he knew that all the Reapers, husks included had just dropped and stopped working once the Crucible fired but that didn't stop the rush of adrenaline that ran through him at the groan. He pushed to his feet and moved forward as James and Liara kept arguing over the radio in the background. He was forced to squeeze through a particularly tight gap before he found the source of the noise and he froze in shock.

"My God…" he whispered.

"_Kaidan?"_ Liara's concerned voice came over the radio once more.

Kaidan ignored it in favour of taking several stumbling steps toward the broken figure amidst the rubble. "Oh God please." He begged as he dropped to his knees and reached out with a trembling hand to search for a pulse on the bloodied throat. The faint beating against his fingers was the best feeling in the world. "Liara get a medical team to my location now!" he shouted into the radio. "I found him, oh God, I found John!"

Kaidan could not stop the tears of joy falling down his cheeks if he tried as he leant over and held his face inches from Shepard's bloody and bruised one. "You're gonna be okay, John." He whispered chokingly as he brushed the unconscious man's cheek. "You have to be."

The biotic could hear Liara's voice trying to get his attention once more but he ignored it in favour of making an internal list of Shepard's injuries to give to the medics once they arrived. He couldn't help the feeling of rising dread as the tally rose higher and higher as he catalogued. He didn't know what he would do if he lost John only moments after finding him.

Kaidan felt his heart skip a beat when John's breathing stopped. He put a hand to John's throat and let out a sharp cry as no pulse greeted the touch. Quickly, Kaidan unstrapped the other man's partially destroyed chest piece and threw it to the side before leaning his head down on John's chest in an attempt to find a heartbeat. "Please…" he begged desperately.

Kaidan felt something cool drop beside his chin but barely took any notice until John's chest arched up and a shudder ran through his body as his heart started rapidly beating once more. Snapping his head down Kaidan saw that the amulet John had given him weeks before had fallen out from within his fatigues and now lay face down on the other biotic's chest; the blue Eezo stone glowing brightly against the bruised skin. Kaidan let out a choked laugh at the sight and never before had he been so thankful that biotics reacted so intensely to Element Zero.

Three months had passed since Commander Shepard had been found alive within the Citadel debris. Everyone called it a miracle; Kaidan was just thankful he had been in the right place at the right time.

John's injuries had been so serious none of the doctors had expected him to live, which was why Kaidan now owed so much to Liara's Shadow Broker contacts and the ex-Cerberus specialist, Miranda Lawson. The woman had brought Shepard back to life once and she said she owed it to him to do it once more; for that reason Kaidan turned a blind eye to her illicit actions in the past and allowed her to leave without being followed. It wasn't as if the Council had enough authority right now to criticize him for failing to apprehend her.

It was almost a week after the discovery of John's body when Liara had sent him back to the makeshift shelter for a shower and sleep with the threat of a biotic flaying that Kaidan discovered he had put the ring box in his pocket that night. He had been undressing for a much needed shower when the small velvet box dropped out of his pants pocket and onto the floor. Kaidan had stared at the box for an untold amount of time with a tumultuous mix of feelings until James' thumping on the door pulled him out of it. He gently placed the ring box on the basin before jumping into the shower and scrubbing of a week's worth of sweat and grime within minutes; a skill learned very quickly in the military.

Afterward, he had climbed onto the Tower battlements and stared at the rings for a few hours before coming to a decision. He had felt momentarily guilty for technically stealing the rings but vowed to find the owner of the store if they were still alive and pay for them when the city sorted itself out.

Shepard was finally being let out of the hospital today and Kaidan wasn't sure who was relieved more; John or the nurses whose job it was to look after the bored marine. He arrived at John's room and looked inside to see the other biotic bouncing his foot impatiently on the floor with his arms crossed and an irritated look on his face as a doctor read over his chart once more.

"You gave me a clean bill of health two hours ago." John growled impatiently. "Why can't I go already?"

"You can only be released into the custody of another person, Commander." The woman answered with a roll of her eyes. Obviously she had been asked this question several times already.

Kaidan decided they had both suffered enough and stepped into the room with a warm smile. "Hey." He greeted.

Shepard straightened and shot him a dirty look. "You're late." He grouched.

Kaidan only rolled his eyes in response. "I love you too, John." He replied drily. The doctor approached and shoved the datapad into his chest to get him to sign it and as soon as the pen left the screen she was out the door and sending a shooing motion toward the pair as she left.

"Make's someone feel unwanted, that does." John stated as he pushed to his feet and cautiously walked over to Kaidan.

The Major only smiled and wrapped his hands around the other's waist. "Missed you." He said softly before leaning forward and gently kissing John's mouth. He felt the Commander smile against his lips before deepening the kiss. John's hands slid up his sides and Kaidan barely supressed the shudder the action caused. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who was asked, they were interrupted before they could get any further when a cleaner stepped into the room.

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

Kaidan pulled back from John reluctantly and sent a compassionate look toward the embarrassed woman. "It's okay, we were just leaving."

"About time." Kaidan heard Shepard muttered behind him. He sent the Commander a stern look before grabbing his hand and leading the way out of the room and into the hallway. As they walked out of the hospital, Kaidan kept John's hand firmly in his own.

"Where are we going again?"

Kaidan supressed the urge to bang his head against the steering wheel of the Mako for the hundredth time. Shepard had been asking him that question for four straight hours; it was beginning to make him regret his decision. "It's a surprise, John." He sighed.

"Why won't you just tell me already? You know how I am about surprises." John returned.

"Well if I didn't before, I do now." Kaidan muttered under his breath petulantly. Out loud he turned to the man beside him and spoke sternly. "Look, we're almost there just sit down and be quiet for twenty more minutes okay? And for the love of all that is holy, if you start with 'I spy…' again I will shoot you and bury your body where no one will find it."

Shepard shot him a dirty look and crossed his arms sullenly as he slouched in his seat and turned away from Kaidan to look out the window pointedly. Kaidan only rolled his eyes in exasperation at the action. God, sometimes the other man was like a child. Eventually he slowed the Mako to a stop and climbed out; John scrambling out as fast as possible.

"Huh."

Kaidan looked over to see that John was wearing a pleasantly surprised expression on his face as he looked around. "It's Coniston Water, part of the English Lake District." He explained as he took in the scenery. "It reminds me of the Bay back home." He added wistfully.

"It's beautiful." John allowed as he moved to step beside Kaidan and gently took his hand in his own.

Kaidan smiled at the action and pulled him toward the water's edge. Bending over he dipped his fingers into the lake and pulled them back out just as quickly. "Kinda chilly." He said at John's amused look.

"So, why did you bring me here?" John asked as he watched a swallow dip and glide across the lake's surface.

Kaidan felt his cheeks redden and he shifted slightly; the small box in his pocket never felt so obvious. "I…uh…I wanted to…um…" he trailed off. His mind had gone suddenly blank and he had forgotten the words he'd been practising in front of the mirror for the last two weeks.

"Kaidan?"

"Give me a minute." Kaidan replied before he took John's hands in his own, turned toward him and took a deep breath. "John, from the moment I first met you I knew you were an unbelievably strong person. You brought out the best in people, the best in me. You can do anything you set your mind to whether it's curing the Genophage or stopping the Reapers." He said before pausing as he looked down at John's blue eyes. "And I want to be there by your side while you do it, I know I…I haven't always been there for you, especially when you needed a friend." He added quietly as he looked down at their joined hands as he referenced what he thought as his betrayal on Horizon.

"Kaidan…" John began slowly.

"Let me finish." Kaidan interrupted exasperated at the other's impatience. John closed his mouth and nodded, a faint smile forming on his face. "I want to be by your side, from now until the end. I love you John, more than anything in this world." Kaidan added shakily. His emotions were beginning to get the better of him and he felt his throat closing up. He reached a hand into his pocket and managed not to fumble as he pulled out the ring box, kneeling on the soft sand beside the lake he looked up at John's surprised expression and softly asked the long awaited question. "John Michael Shepard, will you marry me?"

"You know, it really does look like Coniston Waters."

Kaidan looked over to see John leaning against the balcony overlooking the English Bay with a smile as he studied the scenery. "Yup." Kaidan replied leaning back into his seat with a twin smile.

Shepard turned away from the view and moved to sit across from Kaidan in the second chair with a happy sigh. "I'm glad we came here." John stated as he picked up the Molson's and took a deep swallow.

"Me too." Kaidan replied before taking his own swallow of the Canadian lager. He breathed out a sigh of satisfaction at the taste and eyed the condensation droplets that slid down the bottle in his hand and sparkled in the Vancouver sunlight.

"You boys hungry?"

Kaidan sat up straighter at the sound of his mother's voice and he looked up to see her placing a large platter onto the table.

"Don't you give me that look Kaidan; I know how much you can eat." She lectured giving her son a stern look, which caused John to hide his grin behind another mouthful of beer. "And since John is also a biotic, his appetite will be just as strong." She added before turning and walking back inside as quickly as she came.

"Thank you." Kaidan called out belatedly as his stomach growled loudly at the sight of food.

"Your mum is awesome." John muttered around a mouthful of steak sandwich.

"And you're a pig." Kaidan retorted as he picked up his own sandwich; the rich smell of beef, onion and sauce filled his nose as he prepared to take a bite.

"But you love me anyway." John said with a grin.

Kaidan rolled his eyes at the sight of John speaking with his mouth full and chuckled. "Remind me why again?" he asked rhetorically before taking a bite.

"Because I give good blowjobs."

Kaidan choked on his mouthful of sandwich and had to pound on his chest to relieve his airway as he flushed scarlet.

"I don't think I wanted to know about my son's sex life."

John's wicked grin at Kaidan's reaction dropped off his face like lightening as he spun around to see Kaidan's mother standing behind him with a raised eyebrow. "Oh!...uh…sorry." He apologised red-faced as he lover.

"Just keep the sex talk in the bedroom and we'll be fine, dear." She said with a smile as she patted John's shoulder. "I'll leave you two to it, I'm going out to dinner with Marlene and her husband I won't be back until late." She added before turning and leaving once more.

"Oh my God…" Kaidan groaned into his hands burning with mortification. "That's it, I want my ring back." He declared.

"Hey, no refunds remember!" John laughed as he pushed to his feet and moved to stand behind his embarrassed partner. He leaned forward and kissed the back of Kaidan's neck. "It's just the two of us now." He whispered into the biotic's ear.

Kaidan's shoulder's shook as he laughed before he tipped his head back and looked up at John from his seated position. "You are insane." He stated.

"And you look gorgeous." John replied as he trailed a hand down passed Kaidan's neck and shoulders to clutch the Prothean amulet. He leant down and placed a kiss on the Major's waiting lips and as the kiss deepened he slyly flipped the amulet over and pressed the blue stone into Kaidan's skin. The reaction was almost immediate and Kaidan's mouth gasped open and he arched into the touch, letting out a throaty groan. "That's more like it." John whispered against the other's lips.

"Fuck!" Kaidan cursed with a gasp. "That's cheating." He declared, gripping John's shoulders tightly as he writhed in the chair against the erotic feelings coursing through his body.

"But you love it anyway." John answered with a grin as he moved around and straddled the other man as he continued to press the amulet into his flushing skin. "Now, we have the whole house to ourselves for the next few hours and I can think of a few ways to spend it." He said as he leered down at the other man.

Kaidan swallowed thickly; both at the sensations running through his body and the insinuation in John's reply. He roughly pulled John closer and crashed his lips against the other's before pulling back until they just touched. "Picking up that amulet definitely one of the best things you've ever done, husband." He said roughly.

"Mmm, I agree Mr Shepard." John replied before delving forward for another kiss.

_AN:_ _I know OP wanted a wedding written in but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to write it. But just for those who wanted to know, I figured Garrus and Wrex as best men (one for each groom) with Joker, James, Steve, and Anderson (who lives dammit) as groomsmen, Hackett officiating. EDI, Jack, Liara and Tali as the dates for the Groomsmen since there isn't a bridal party (each man threatened anyone who called them the bride). Jacob happily shows everyone his and Brynn's newborn baby, Grunt eats all the cake and threatens to kill Kaidan if he hurts his Battlemaster in any way (same with Wrex and Garrus in their speeches). The Geth and Quarians give them a holiday home on Rannoch, Krogans on tuchanka and Asari a condo on Illium since Thessia still pwned. Turians give them a private ship since Pavalen still pwned too. Kasumi gives them something stolen. Zaeed, Samara, Miranda and Javikdon't come but sends tells them congratulations. Hope I didn't miss anyone :s otherwise others are guests, the end :P_


End file.
